2005-03-08 @ 3:40 p.m.....

so.

i started seeing a counselor last week.

i am full-on admitting that i need Help with a capital H.

it sucks. not the couseling, but the admittal. i have always considered myself very strong and unphased by my life events. that is. until. this. past. year.

maybe it's the quarter-life crisis setting in. maybe it's me actually growing the fuck up. maybe it's my body letting me know that if i continued to harbor all of these ill-thoughts, it would break down and become ill - and then where would i be? laid the fuck up in a hospital bed without ever having had the chance to truly live.

i always prided myself on being so strong.

well, there you have it.

oh. the whole point of this entry was to harp on the fact that i am strapped for cash. i mean strrrrapped. all because i have to pay for this couselor out of pocket. 150 bones per week.... add that all up over the month and it is double my mortgage payment.

shit's throwing my budget all kinds a outta whack.

i normally am able to buy things, necessities, non-necessities, whenever the need strikes. without having to balance things, make sure shit is covered and all that.

now i am officially one of those people who has to watch every. single. penny lest it go into the red zone. or my check to this lady bounce. now that would be embarassing.

what had happened was.... ~ ....what comes next?