2004-10-21 @ 1:17 p.m.....

so look. i have this problem.

sidenote: i was afraid to write about it in here b/c i am a paranoid person and i count my stats very closely and i noticed that some people are suspicious characters that i may or may not know already :end sidenote.

but for the sake of getting this off my chest, i'm going to assume that i don't know you people. for my own sanity.

now, i've been stalked before. on two separate occasions. i've had to change my contact information. i've had to physically move. both times. i know what it's like to have someone appear out of nowhere and snatch the breath right out of you, like - how did you find me??

i don't know, i just seem to attract the crazies.

so anyway, it's driving me crazy b/c i feel the need to track every single person that reads my journal down.... crazy, huh? being as how i decided to put all my shit out there online for all the world to see?

for the greater good of myself, i know that writing in this journal is important. even for the greater good of any anonymous chum who stumbles upon it. but NOT for those who intend to hurt me, or use me, or use what i've said, or keeping tabs on me to complete their own version of our "friendship"....

anyway. i think somebody may have found my other journal. it wasn't really through any transgression on my part, but people started referring to me in their own journals, thereby making the title searchable, which i made sure it never was before....

what has raised my suspicions about this character throwing my recent stats all out of whack?? the fact that he emailed me OUT OF THE FUCKING BLUE around the same time my stats started going off the charts with IP addresses i didn't recognize. i haven't been able to get as far as she did in her diary drama episode because he's really computer savvy and he didn't email me from the same IP address he may be reading my journal from.......

so it's driving me nuts.

and because i love the fact that anonymous people can stumble upon my words of wisdom (and otherwise), i don't want to lock it up. but at the same time i don't want him to read any of my current thoughts and/or happenings, which may lead him to finding me again and which may lead him to think he actually "knows" me....

so i'm faced with a quandry. what to do???? i've already freaked out and locked/unlocked it a thousand times.... but something in me a. wants more proof, b. wants to catch him doing it, c. wants some sort of conclusion.... and i still want the random clicks from people i don't know and i like to connect to people i otherwise never would have met.....................

but no more crazies.

eh. i know i'm the one whose the craziest.

ah, well.

what had happened was.... ~ ....what comes next?