2004-12-15 @ 4:43 p.m.....

i don't know what to say, so i'll just cut n paste. for the record, i am pissed.

THIS WAS IN MY INBOX THIS MORNING before i could even respond to the last one:

Tuesday, 12/14/04

Hi Soltera,

I know you said no to this pre-emptive.....but having failed to kill
myself, I could really use a friend to reminisce about happier times with: would you be willing to meet me for coffee this weekend for a few minutes?

I've been so depressed I didn't go into work today or yesterday...and just don't know what to do. It is like I lost such a large chunk of myself I can't go on any longer... function properly.

But I'm still waiting to hear back from you, I believe---on why things aren't much better for you?

Thanks for your time. I look forward to your replies... a highlight in a dark world.

Ernest

PS: But I'm sure this'll all pass--with time. It all always passes, just give it enough time. She wasn't willing for me, but I was for her---twice. And that is what I think hurt the most. So maybe it'll just take even more time.

But why don't you open up to me for a change? Please?

for the record, just as i cut and pasted, i am just now seeing that PS for the very first time. i didn't even know there WAS a PS before. but it doesn't really change anything. nothing ever changes. here was my response. pardon me, but i was pissed off. there is a lot of history behind this.... and it might seem brutal:

Wednesday, 12/15/04

Ernest,

I don't think you need a friend right now, or at least not me. What you need is to speak to a professional.

Please seek out someone who is trained to deal with this type of thing as soon as possible.

I would appreciate it if you would not contact me anymore. Like I said, I have my own issues to deal with and what you're going through is just way too much for me to be able to help with.

Sincerely,
Soltera

that's it. i can't even get into it right now. i can't even wrap my mind around it. all i know is. it ruined my week. and i'm sitting here, breaking out in hives right now. i didn't even know that was POSSIBLE. but i am one firey mess right now and.... i need to leave.

more later//

what had happened was.... ~ ....what comes next?