2004-12-21 @ 4:11 p.m.....

so i realize that this is just plain crazy, but now i'm stuck with it.

why would i hold down a man, devote my time and energy to him, only to not label it a relationship?

i feel like i am spiraling out of control in the crazy department, picking up more crazy at every turn. buying crazy wholesale and shit....

why would anyone take all of this from me and want to keep holding onto it?

why am i letting the past control my present and therefore my future?

why did he tell me he loved me already/?

why did my heart believe, my mind wanted to believe, but together they both came back with ?????????????

why does it seem impossible for me to comprehend that someone else could care about me????

why did i write the following this morning??::

?uestions

If a lost name can echo, and a mirror can not reflect,
I wonder�. can a Sequence of Thought be replicated?

....

dreams emerge in reality.

a star in water.
an invisible dance.
a whiff of a memory.
a fruit made of heaven.
a conversation without words.

thoughts manifest in another person.

....

Can you look at these words without reading them?


I wonder,
An Answer/on a quest to find/The Question.

what had happened was.... ~ ....what comes next?