2006-02-03 @ 8:05 p.m.....

hi, hi, hi...... long time no write. words have completely escaped me for the past - whatever.

so i can't write this in journal #1, because maybe i have two people reading it that i really like. there are two people that i really like. one just told me he likes me. unbeknownst to him, i like him. but he has had a girlfriend and i am really good at covering up my feelings, putting them in a box and hiding that shit.

the other used to have a girlfriend, moved to LA, and used to have another girlfriend.... and has decided to start talking to me late at night and such and such lately..... that's M---, who i've definitely spoken about before. the one who i fell in love w/his mind b/c he writes so poignantly.......

so here i am, proximity vs. fantasy. stuck between reality and a dream.

in.
both.
cases.

so i just told B--- that i likehim too. b/c i felt it unfair that he put his feelings out there on the line and ijust beataround the bush for like four hours.

but what i have to remember is: it's not the be-all end-all, it doesn't mean we jump into a realationship (hello, b/c he just ended an extremelly serious live-in situation w/a girl AT WORK......). by the way, did i mention we work together? all of us? how quaint.

i don't date coworkers.

whatever. we'll see? right? i just had to let him know.

i have liked him for almost 4 years. so there. and i just can't deny that if he had the balls to tell me that he liked me and that's why he's been acting strange lately -cuz he just moved out of his co-owned townhome w/the chick.

whatever what ever what EVER.

we'll just have to see. in the meantime, i will just have to do me.

cuz i am STILL not ready for a realationship.

what had happened was.... ~ ....what comes next?