2006-03-22 @ 1:05 p.m.....

i swear.

if i haven't been a very emotionally-aware person my whole life, then i am sure making up for it now.

i've never been on such a drastic up and down roller coaster before Ever in My Life.

We should take a break. You should take Time to Heal. This is moving Too Fast. She's still in the picture. You can't forgive yourself. You don't want her to find out. I feel like I'm the Other Woman.

the list goes on and on.

I just realized the potential for harm to myself and my heart for the first time ever in My Life.

I just realized that I am capable of so much more than I ever imagined.

I also realized that this figment of my imagination that I've been wrapped up in for the past month or close to two.... has the same ring to it as a long distance relationship. The weekends together become like a blissful dreamworld and then it's back to reality on Monday morning.

Yea.

Emotional Rollercoaster. The highs are so effing high that you forget everything else........

But the lows are so subterranean.

This has been such an amazing ride - thrilling to the point of exhaustion.

But. It's. Just. Not. Possible. to continue this way.

My heart can't take it. Sure it's fun and keeps things interesting for now.

But when he went ahead and stayed at her house last night? We just crossed a line there. I just became The Other Woman. I always reserve the right to change my decisions based on new information. So at this point, after you made that choice - to stay - and i don' tcare if it was b/c the dog had an emergency. for all i know she is poking the dog in order to keep you close by....

I don't care WHAT the emergency was last night. YOU ARE NOT FULLY EXTRICATED FROM YOUR SITUATION. i need to get that through my thick head.

i need to.

what had happened was.... ~ ....what comes next?